Jinxed by Torri Heat

Author:Torri Heat [Heat, Torri]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2022-10-19T16:00:00+00:00

I think I had always been looking for more, since the very beginning. Maybe it was why I was always so desperate for love. Something tangible to cling to. Something that would never leave me. Because love was unconditional, right? True love didn’t judge, or however the phrase went. So true love was what I was searching for, from the youngest age I could remember. Something bigger than I was, bigger than life. Love had to be more.

And so I set off on my young life, searching for love in every nook and cranny possible. I was seven the first time I kissed a girl. I expected it to set off fireworks and emotions like never before. But it didn’t really feel all that different from when I had practiced on my arms in the bathroom at home. It was missing something. That more factor. Lightning and sparks, fuel to keep me alive.

Something had to be wrong with her. Maybe even at seven years old, Suzy from down the street was destined to be a terrible kisser. Despite my lackluster first attempt, I kept kissing girls. I figured it would get better eventually.

I don’t remember how old I was when I realized maybe the girls weren’t the problem. I was.

The first time I fell in love was 1946 and I was sixteen. A clerk at the grocery store, with the most dazzling smile. Your first love is something else, isn’t it? I had kissed dozens of girls by this point, but this was different. This was more. This was love. Of course, there was no possible way for us to be together forever, but I still dreamed about it at night. What our life would be like. For an entire summer, I kept offering to go back to the grocery store whenever my mom forgot something. My hand was on the door before she could even get money from her purse, laughing before she’d send me out for milk or eggs or whatever she needed that day.

James. He was the checkout clerk at the Piggy Wiggly, and he was twenty years old.

I didn’t consider myself to be different, as I heard my mom speaking about other kids in the neighborhood she heard rumors about.

I liked girls. I liked kissing them. Dating them.

I just also happened to like boys. Boys like James, with clean-cut looks, and smiles that stopped my heart. Unlike my mother, I didn’t think anything about me was off.

Eventually the summer ended, and James went back to college, and the memories of my first love faded away. But the feelings of what it would be like to have more never changed. They never left. As I took my first serious girlfriend to the movie, scenarios played in the back of my mind.

What if she sat on my left, and my boyfriend sat on my right?

I should’ve been drafted for the war, but being legally blind in my left eye meant I couldn’t serve my country. Another flaw in the eyes of “normal” society.

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